Dry

He confesses to Hayden that almost slept with Foster. Hayden suggests he tell Wendy, his therapist, but he fears he will be kicked out of group therapy for getting involved with a fellow patient. His need for Foster stirs up fears of dependency, fears that he’s “defective.” He is torn between his feelings for him and Wendy’s sensible prohibition: “No major life changes for over a year” (176). One of his fellow patients, Bill, relapses, and Burroughs imagines the scenario in painfully vivid detail—seeing the bottle, being confronted by a long-term partner, the uncomfortable silence during dinner. However, he cannot imagine being in a relationship for 30 years, like Bill.

In a meeting with his German beer client, Burroughs insults the company representative when he mentions Nazis. The client is furious, and the meeting grows tense. Later in his office, he notices a small, airline-size bottle of alcohol sitting on his bookshelf. Again, he suspects Rick, and, despite a sudden urge to drink it, he throws it in the trash.

On Saturday, Burroughs is filled with “manic” energy but has nowhere to channel it. Hayden is out, Pighead can’t join him, and Jim doesn’t answer the phone. He is restless. He wants to break up the monotony but feels shackled by the no-lifestyle-changes rule. His emotions toggle between confidence and uncertainty—months into his sobriety, the initial euphoria has worn off, replaced by the dull routine of lifestyle maintenance.

He visits Pighead and reflects on their history, wishing he was a better friend, and Pighead wishes he had loved Burroughs “[b]ack when you were in love with me” (183). The past is past, they realize, and their relationship has settled into a comfortable stasis.

Burroughs and Foster sit in a cemetery in Connecticut, sharing mutual adoration. Foster respects Burroughs’s strength, which surprises him. He can’t see what Foster sees: overcoming a deeply traumatic childhood and now, confronting his addiction head-on. They make their way to the beach, and Burroughs remembers swimming in the ocean off Nova Scotia as a boy, losing himself in the cold water, his mother beckoning him back to the beach. He and Foster wade into the tide. They embrace, and Burroughs feels certain of Foster’s love. A dangerous thought leeches into his mind: “Well, I guess one glass of wine couldn’t hurt” (188). He doesn’t succumb, however, and he and Foster drive back to New York in blissful silence.

Burroughs works late at the office, skipping group therapy and his AA meetings. “I’m fine,” he reassures himself. He and Greer pitch their beer ideas to Elenor and Rick, but they don’t think the client will like any of them. Rick suggests they avoid the “New Germany” approach, an idea they had never presented. When asked how he knows about New Germany, Rick dodges their questions. Burroughs is furious, accusing him of rooting around in his office and backpack (charges Rick denies). Elenor quells the argument, asking for more ideas the next morning—they will have to work through the night.

One evening, Burroughs visits Foster, who looks “ragged and red-eyed” (194). He denies using cocaine, but Burroughs is suspicious. They settle into their familiar, nonsexual status quo. Meanwhile, Hayden continues to caution him about getting too deeply involved. Then, within only a few days, Foster has stopped returning his calls. He’s quit group therapy, confessing that he’s using again. Burroughs feels devastated and betrayed. He goes to Foster’s apartment and confronts him. Foster begs Burroughs not to give up on him, but Burroughs is adamant—until Foster kisses him tenderly and asks for “[o]ne more chance” (199). That night, they finally consummate their relationship.

Back home, Hayden confesses that hearing about Foster’s relapse nearly triggered one of his own, but he attended a meeting at the last minute. Burroughs then confesses that he and Foster slept together, although he looks for any loophole to justify it; he reasons that he never actually saw Foster’s penis, so it’s not really sex; he also reasons that it’s not a violation of the rules because Foster’s not in group therapy anymore. When Hayden confronts him over his “pathological shallowness,” Burroughs reflects on his relationship history and sees himself as emotionally broken and attracted only to “messed up” people. He discusses these thoughts with Wendy, who argues that while “messed up” may be exciting, it’s not stable.

Gazing around his apartment, Burroughs realizes it’s been furnished by someone with an alcohol addiction—impractical impulse buys—and he wonders if he will ever escape his former “addict” identity. Hayden reassures him that he is sober because “you’re doing it for you” (206). Foster calls. He’s joined Narcotics Anonymous and is considering buying a home on the coast. Wary of getting pulled in once again, Burroughs congratulates him but cuts the conversation short so he can meet Pighead for dinner. The ease of Pighead’s company is comforting, and Burroughs enjoys the difference between stable and exciting. Meanwhile, the beer client finally accepts one of their campaign ideas (the most “uninspired” one, in Burroughs’s opinion).

After two days with no word from Foster, Burroughs is forced to confront the unhealthy roller coaster he’s on. He wants to love the sober Foster, but he knows he can’t count on that person. Perversely, a small part of him wants Foster to keep using cocaine so Foster will reveal all sides of his identity. “I want to see if he looks more content when he’s with me or his crack” (209).

Hayden walks in and announces he’s returning to London to work on a new project. Just then, Foster stops by—he’s relapsed again—sobbing on Burroughs’s shoulder. He asks for forgiveness, but Burroughs is distant. He remembers being a “mess” like Foster is now, but that memory grows hazy; it’s no longer a part of him. Nevertheless, they have sex once again.

After a Broadway show, Burroughs and Hayden go out to dinner. They discuss Foster—after seeing him, Hayden understands Burroughs’s obsession—and wonder about the other rehab patients, people with whom they’ve shared an intense 30 days but will never see again. That night, Foster calls to say he’s okay, but Burroughs knows he’s on the street. The next morning, Hayden leaves for London, and Burroughs feels alone, afraid of living without Hayden as his common sense conscience.

One morning, Burroughs enters his office, and it reeks of alcohol. Elenor smells it and questions him. He accuses Rick of pouring scotch on the carpet, but she defends him, claiming he wouldn’t do something like that. Furious, he walks out for some fresh air. With no one to call—Foster is unreliable, Hayden is gone, Pighead has other concerns—Burroughs goes into a bar. After struggling with the temptation, he finally orders a Diet Coke.