Come and Get It

“Coming off of so many summers living in dorms and cabins and rooms that weren’t hers, and after becoming mildly addicted to TV shows featuring tiny houses and youngish owners, the idea of owning a home came down on her like a dream. With six thousand dollars in her bank account, Millie allowed herself to entertain the idea that maybe, if she was very, very good about it, she could make a down payment in two years.”

In this passage, Reid draws out the primary character motivation that drives Millie throughout the novel. Her desire to own a home comes from the fact that she has lived in so many different places that many of them feel transitory. To own a home for herself is to lay down roots, which hints at The Complexities of New Adulthood as a theme.

“Standing in the mirror, she reached for the bill. The corners and folds were tucked so neatly that Millie didn’t want to unwrap it. She opened her closet door and dropped the money inside her boot. Then she bent and felt around. She took out a nonfolded twenty, placed it in her pocket, and considered what she should get.”

Millie’s relationship with work is complicated by her access to money. When Tyler unexpectedly gives her a 20-dollar bill for helping to switch Peyton and Kennedy’s room placements, Millie observes the neatness of the bill, which symbolizes the neat lifestyles that affluent people like Tyler seem to have. She reasons that if she takes Tyler’s $20, she will merely use it as a cleaner-looking replacement for one of her older bills, using it as an excuse to indulge in her expenses.

“Kennedy’s mom had a lot of short adages and aphorisms. One of her favorites was: ‘Clean means everything has a home.’ After everything that had happened that morning, and everything that happened back in Iowa, Kennedy found comfort in watching her mother assign a home to all the new items in her room.”

Kennedy is characterized by her relationship with her mother, Nichelle. In this passage, Reid describes that relationship in two ways: through whimsical turns of phrase that Nichelle offers as sage advice to her daughter and through Nichelle’s tendency to take care of everything for Kennedy, even fixing up her room for her. This implies that Kennedy is not accustomed to doing things for herself, often depending on her mother’s company and help.

“Her goal was to make one friend. One person she could go to coffee or watch a movie with. But the transfer dorm made it appear, even on the first day, that all of the friendships had already been assigned.”

Kennedy is also characterized by the motivation to make a friend at her new university. It is revealed in the first chapter that Belgrade Dormitory is the residence for scholarship and transfer students. Since Kennedy has transferred over from Iowa, her isolation is underscored by the feeling that a scarcity of friends has left her without one. Moving to Arkansas as a junior, Kennedy has arrived at Belgrade too late to form a substantial friendship of her own.

“There were moments, like this one, where Agatha accepted the obligation to make sure that women didn’t feel embarrassed when they assumed she was straight (‘So, do you have a boyfriend?’). It wasn’t that Agatha felt like the responsibility was hers, but sometimes, sitting under the arbor of straight women’s mortification, or assuring them that no, she hadn’t been offended, she found herself wishing she had just let it slide. (‘No, I’m actually single right now.’)”

Reid uses this passage to discuss Agatha’s queerness and its perception in the world. Because other women tend to assume that she is straight, she feels alienated from her sexual orientation, marked by the desire to avoid embarrassment when they ask her about her relationships. This passage develops Agatha’s character and contextualizes her interest in secrecy.

“Agatha’s money and the things she spent it on became a place where Robin pushed her to the edge. Oh, yeah? That’s how you feel? Okay fine, then prove it. If you don’t want to spend your money, then let’s stay with my loud friend Terrence. If you don’t want me using your fancy knives, then just tell me to buy my own. But Agatha would never tell Robin to buy her own knives. She didn’t want to live in a home where she used a good set and Robin used one she’d probably purchase secondhand. The way Robin looked at her in these arguments was devastating. Look at me, her face said. Aren’t I worth ruining your knives? Of course she was worth it, but Agatha wanted to say, Wait. How about you look at me? Can’t I just have nice knives?”

In this passage, Robin’s indulgent attitude towards money rubs against Agatha’s anxiety over it. Though Agatha doesn’t share Robin’s taste for luxury living, she occasionally treats herself to valuable possessions, like her expensive knife set. Robin challenges Agatha to stop being so precious about her money and her material possessions, which Agatha can’t reconcile with Robin’s reckless use of Agatha’s few valuables. Her disagreements with Robin over money foreshadow that money will also be a central facet of her relationship with Millie.

“There was something emotional about the backyard, and the wax around her edibles. She didn’t want to share them just yet. They felt like something she had to earn.”

The end of Chapter 6 sees Millie burying her edibles in the backyard of her house-sit. This act is symbolic of her aspirations and the effort she must expend to achieve them. Ironically, even though she already has the edibles, she would rather save them for a time when she no longer feels she must earn them. The same could be said about the house itself, which she already possesses in some sense, but still feels she has to earn to truly own.

“Ten minutes was never enough time to figure out how to be a person.”

Kennedy is trapped in her tendency to overthink social situations. She feels that she has to prepare a version of herself that will be palatable enough for other people to like her, hinting at the ways she Navigates the Social Dynamics of Communal Living. Ironically, the preparation takes so long that she misses every opportunity to make just one friend at school.

“Watching Tyler touch Peyton was so strange, almost as odd as it was watching Peyton not care. The whole thing was so confusing, but it was annoying, too. I don’t understand, Kennedy thought. Why can’t you be like that with me?”

This passage teases out Kennedy’s complex relationship with her suitemates. She resents Tyler’s popularity but craves her attention as well. This suggests that if only Tyler would befriend her, she would be able to look past her flaws. Since Tyler ignores Kennedy, even after she’s given Tyler valuable information, she can’t help but highlight Tyler’s flaws as a consolation.

“It felt mean, the fact that Millie held an icy plastic cup in her hand. That Ryland held the same with the addition of caramel and cream. That Colette’s black coffee sat next to her chair, in a cardboard zarf that read Arsaga’s. This had happened a few times before, and Millie felt bad about it then, too.”

Millie reflects on Joanie’s exclusion from the group she forms with Ryland and Colette. This points to Millie’s need to please everybody and the way it extends to Joanie without knowing whether Joanie would want to be friends with them or not.

“The moral of the story is that when you see us making glittery little Razorbacks, it’s okay if you wanna have fun, too.”

Colette says this to Millie when Millie discourages her from pursuing revenge against Tyler for the prank. After monologuing on the shape Tyler’s life will likely take after college, she communicates this “moral,” giving Millie permission to indulge in her resentment of Tyler instead of repressing it. This also foreshadows Colette’s later advice to stop being so nice in Chapter 22.

“But the speed of the publication, the length and lightness of the piece, it all felt fun and harmless. It was something to do alone in the South, in a post-breakup season.”

This passage shows how Agatha is able to justify writing her Teen Vogue profiles. For her, the impact of her writing is small and fast enough that it is unlikely to affect her writing subjects in a significant way. The apparent harmlessness of her actions gives her license to continue Crossing Personal and Professional Boundaries in her succeeding profiles.

“She had a long-term goal, she was on a budget, and the thing she wanted required work, which she was already putting in on a Friday afternoon. Agatha couldn’t tell if she was overly impressed with Millie or readjusting to a relationship with money that wasn’t shaped by Robin.”

Agatha compares Millie to Robin in this passage. This comparison occurs before they decide to enter into a relationship, foreshadowing their future affair. Agatha looks at Millie as an alternative to Robin, someone with whom she could avoid the financial arguments that defined her previous relationship. Ironically, Millie and Agatha’s financial imbalance will be a defining factor in their relationship as well.

“There’s no moral obligation. And as far as me working here, I don’t feel weird about that at all. Residence Life isn’t like, my dad.”

In this passage, Millie is Crossing Personal and Professional Boundaries by affirming her lack of guilt over the eavesdropping arrangement she has with Agatha. She acknowledges that although she is using her work as a platform for Agatha to encroach on the residents’ privacy, she doesn’t feel that it necessarily harms anyone. She also borrows the phrase ‘[It] isn’t like, my dad” from Colette, believing that its casual apathy will endear Agatha to her.

“And then Tyler would do something for Kennedy that she could have done herself. She’d bend down to untie her shoes, or she’d hold a compress to her knee. From the floor, Tyler would look up. Sorry, am I hurting you? Kennedy would shake her head. No, you’re not. That feels good.”

Kennedy’s desire for friendship with Tyler is once again invoked in this passage. Believing that she has exhausted all attempts to gain Tyler’s approval, Kennedy indulges in a perverse fantasy of being assaulted, if only to imagine being attended to by Tyler. This need for friendly care resonates with the care Nichelle has extended to her, behaving as a friend might more than a parent. Thus, Kennedy’s ultimate wish is for someone as likable as Tyler to attend to her the way her mother might, even at the expense of Kennedy’s own physical safety.

“There was also the issue of telling Ryland and Colette specifically. To tell one of them anything was to tell both of them everything. She knew it was an adolescent trepidation on her part, but the act of being attracted to the same sex felt like their thing and very much not hers. But perhaps the greatest reason Millie kept Josh and Agatha to herself was that she feared a throwaway response like, That makes sense, or, I knew you were a little gay. Even worse was the idea of Colette dismissing her feelings altogether. No, Millie. Come on, she’d say. You want to be like her. There’s a difference.”

In this passage, Reid explains why Millie hesitates to tell Ryland and Colette about her crushes. Agatha is Millie’s first female crush, which makes her anxious to explore this aspect of her sexuality. Since Ryland and Colette are implied to have defined their sexualities earlier in their lives, Millie fears that their experience will cause them to diminish hers. She fears that they will define her identity on their terms, not her own. This passage highlights the construction of personal identity as a central challenge in The Complexities of New Adulthood.

“For the first time in her adult life, she thought, This is almost not worth the money.”

Millie’s relationship with Agatha is expressed in terms of monetary value in this passage to emphasize its development in the novel. Thus far, Millie and Agatha’s relationship has been transactional, exchanging Millie’s dormitory access for Agatha’s money. But as Millie spends more time with Agatha, keeping her company while she eavesdrops, she begins to feel like she is getting more than just money from their encounters. She is being rewarded with the attention of someone she admires.

“Kennedy put her ear to the vent when she knew they were there, but it wasn’t the same and it felt like a loss. She could only hear them if she sat on her bed, put her ear against the wall. But if she did that too long, a pain shot through her neck. That she couldn’t sit and listen comfortably made her feel desperate and weird.”

Reid uses irony to define Kennedy’s relationship with the resident assistants in this passage. Kennedy doesn’t have much of a relationship with any of them but resonates with their repulsion for the residents at Belgrade. Apart from her mother, this is the closest thing Kennedy has to a friendship at the university. Yet this relationship is one-sided; it only exists while Kennedy eavesdrops on them, which makes her conscious of its delusional quality.

“I don’t think I feel jealous exactly, but it’s frustrating to try and be like, ‘Hey, I’m still a person, though, yeah? I see you all the time. I lent you my mini vac once…How do I like, not count?’”

Millie’s frustration with her work is encapsulated in this passage. She complains to Agatha that envy towards the residents doesn’t affect her as much as their lack of kindness. Earlier in the book, Millie revealed that the poor quality of Belgrade Dormitory unlocks aggression among the residents. Here, she discusses how the novel’s setting internally affects her and causes her to retaliate through her arrangement with Agatha.

“Agatha laughed. ‘I know. Poor me. Years of treatment to help me realize that if something is available then I should probably take it.’”

Agatha describes her traumatic experiences to Robin, explaining that she went to therapy to resolve a pleasure deprivation habit she’d formed. She ends with the takeaway described in this passage, which informs her motivations throughout the novel. Part of the reason she is easily able to overcome her restraint in illicit situations is that she has worked so hard to remind herself to pursue that which pleases her. Unfortunately, this means that she often entangles innocuous wants, like her expensive knife set, with more illicit ones, like her eavesdropping arrangement.

“Kennedy hadn’t considered it before, that to write something beautiful you just do it regular, and then you pull out a red pen.”

This passage describes what writing means to Kennedy, showing how the act of putting it down and revising it transforms her traumatic experience into something beautiful. It also illuminates her motivations for pursuing mentorship with Agatha Paul. She sees that by studying directly under someone who has articulated grief in such a compelling way, she can overcome and possibly revise the perception of her experience.

“I think that sometimes…you love jobs and rules and saving money so much that you don’t see when you’re being used.”

Colette’s criticism of Millie hits directly at one of her character flaws, as described in this passage. Millie fully submits to the rules and systems that enable her to buy a house, even though this also enables her exploitation. Even though Millie pretends that she knew about Agatha’s Teen Vogue profiles all along, Colette is able to see through her attempts at a defense, stressing that this, too, is another way Millie allows herself to be used by Agatha.

“Agatha, have you met you? You’re everybody’s boss. There is no way this is just a fun thing for her.”

Robin’s criticism of Agatha is a direct comment on her central character flaw. Agatha has long justified to herself that she and Millie have pursued their relationship as consensual adults whose impact on the residents’ lives is minimal. Robin points out, however, that Millie may be pursuing their relationship to fulfill other motives, especially since Agatha has revealed Millie’s aspiration to buy a house at this point. This aligns with Agatha’s tendency to dictate relationship dynamics, which frustrated Robin in the aftermath of their breakup.