Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

Of the members of the friend group that eventually exiled Tsukuru, Shiro is a young woman who came to a tragic end—the victim of an unsolved and gruesome murder. Tsukuru and Shiro had the most in common: both tended to be introverted, and both were sensitive to their surroundings. While Tsukuru always strove to keep his burgeoning sexual instincts in check, he was sexually attracted to Shiro. This forms a tension in the novel which culminates in an explicit dream in which Shiro appears. Also significant is that Shiro played the piano; one of her signature pieces was Le Mal du Pays, a Franz Liszt work whose title, “Homesickness,” informs the novel’s tone.

Since the Tsukuru’s mysterious rejection from the friend group drives much of the action, we only learn what sparked the ouster midway through the novel. It then becomes clear that Shiro is responsible for everything that has happened: Her false accusation of rape forced the friend group to summarily stop all interaction with Tsukuru even though they did not believe her. Theories about Shiro’s lie abound: Tsukuru’s former friends suggest that she was overburdened by the demands of her musical talent, or maybe she liked Tsukuru and was jealous of his new life in Tokyo; Tsukuru himself imagines her blowing up the group to preempt its slow dissolution. However, the fact that Shiro was in fact raped links her with Tsukuru, since he too possibly experienced a nonconsensual sexual encounter. Neither could ever fully get over their emotional traumas—like Tsukuru, Shiro becomes colorless (in the words of Sara) long before she died.

Haida and Tsukuru met in college, where Tsukuru was drawn to Haida’s intense intellectual appetite. Haida became Tsukuru’s best friend and the two spent lots of time together listening to music and talking into the late hours of the night. Haida’s presence added satisfaction to Tsukuru’s otherwise humdrum existence—the implication is that Haida was Tsukuru’s first friend after his high school friend group dumped him.

Haida is also a menacing, confusing, and possibly actually dangerous presence in the novel. His tale about his father’s encounter with Midorikawa, the piano player doomed to die, casts a pall over Tsukuru’s already fragile psyche. Later, in a more explicitly threatening moment, Haida possibly sexually assaults Tsukuru while the latter is sleeping. In the midst of a sexually detailed dream, Tsukuru is suddenly aware of being awake with Haida in his room, performing oral sex on him. The two never discuss what happened: Tsukuru cannot fully decide whether he dreamed the experience or actually lived it; and moreover, his panicked revulsion at the idea that he might be gay makes Tsukuru inwardly suppress the encounter. Tsukuru’s decision to remain quiet about that night creates friction between him and Haida, and the friendship eventually ends when Haida unexpectedly leaves Tokyo, abandoning Tsukuru without a word.

Sara’s role in the novel is to provide direction to the lost Tsukuru. Tsukuru’s affection for Sara and his desire to please her prompt him to confront his past. Sara works for a travel agency, which makes her a literal representation of the agency Tsukuru lacks in his life. Not only does she urge him to seek out his former high school friends, but she also arranges his trip to Helsinki and facilitates his stay there through Olga.

Sara’s adamant goading sometimes has an almost sinister hint, since it is unclear what her motivations are. She asserts herself into Tsukuru’s life ostensibly because she wants to be in a relationship with him, but her later ambivalence about committing to being his girlfriend makes some of her behavior murky.

Prior to leaving for Finland, Tsukuru sees Sara walking with another man and assumes it is a boyfriend. Again, Sara’s motivations are called into question: She seems to genuinely like Tsukuru; however, she has not been fully forthright with him either. When Tsukuru returns, he decides to take action. But, when he declares his love for Sara and asks her to be with him, Sara grows elusive and asks for a three day waiting period—a hesitancy that drives Tsukuru back into his typically listlessness, as he ignores her later phone calls in favor of trying to dream about her.