Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage

Eri admits that while taking care of Yuzuki was emotionally exhausting, Eri still loved her very much as a friend. Eri also confesses that part of why she chose Yuzuki over Tsukuru was that she was too afraid to admit that she was in love with him. She expresses remorse at her decision to abandon Tsukuru the way she did, abruptly and without explanation. When she asks Tsukuru if he would have loved her back, he says yes.

Tsukuru considers how things may have played out had he known Eri’s feelings. Tsukuru then puts himself in the shoes of Yuzuki’s murderer. He tells Eri that in a sense, he was the one who murdered her, a comment that Eri understands. In turn, Eri also puts herself in the murderer’s shoes. Tsukuru tells Eri about Sara, and about seeing her with another man. Eri tells him to follow his heart, pursue Sara with everything, and not mention that he saw her other date. Eri asks him to stay for dinner, but Tsukuru declines the offer. They have a few more reflections on the past, and how their lives turned out, and finally they say goodbye.

Tsukuru spends two more days in Helsinki before finally returning home to Tokyo. He calls Sara, but when he gets her answering machine, Tsukuru wonders whether she is out with her boyfriend. He does not leave a message. Sara calls him later that night and teases him for not leaving a message. Tsukuru tells Sara about his trip to Finland and his conversation with Kuro, but Sara suspects that something else is on Tsukuru’s mind. Finally, he mentions that he has the sense that she is seeing someone else. Sara dodges the question, asking for three days to respond.

Tsukuru has a dream in which he is giving a piano performance. He is totally immersed in the music, but almost nobody in the audience is. Eventually, the noise of the fidgety audience overtakes the sound of the piano. The woman turning the piano sheet music pages for him has six fingers, but he cannot see her face or identify her. He wakes up in a sweat, panicking. Remembering that Eri told him to hang onto Sara and not let her go, he decides to phone Sara even though it is four o’clock in the morning. When she answers, Tsukuru tells her that he loves her. Sara replies that she is fond of him too, and promises to talk to him in three days.

The concluding chapter begins with a discussion of train stations, the way masses of people filter in and out of them, and the soothing effect the stations have on Tsukuru. It is the day before Sara is supposed to respond to his declaration of love. He considers hopping a train to Matsumoto, but then decides against it because the return train will not get him back the next day in time for work.

Tsukuru reflects on one of the defining features of his life—that he lacks a sense of purpose and direction. He just simply exists. He again thinks about the rejection he suffered at the hands of his friends, and how that rejection was a stark turning point in his life. After he returns home from watching the trains at Shinjuku station, he considers why Shiro accused him of rape. He hypothesizes that she wanted to break up the group as a preemptive sabotage, sensing that the group would disband anyway as they all grew older. Because Tsukuru had already left for Tokyo, and was therefore physically distanced from the group, he was the easiest one to blame. The narrator reveals parenthetically that the perpetrator of the rape would remain a mystery.

Tsukuru is suddenly seized by an overwhelming desire to talk to Sara. He calls her and after a few rings, hangs up. While he is listening to music, the phone rings—presumably Sara calling him back—but Tsukuru doesn’t pick up. Fifteen minutes later, the phone rings again, and again he does not answer it. Instead, he listens to the music and tries to quiet his mind. Realizing that Sara’s decision is monumental, he wonders what will happen if she doesn’t return his love. Perhaps this rejection will actually cause him to die. Tsukuru hopes to dream about Sara and falls asleep.