36 pages • 1 hour read
Brené BrownBraving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2017A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Braving the Wilderness
According to Brown, when individuals brave the wilderness, they are asked to clarify their beliefs, opinions, and actions even if their families and tribes do not agree with or understand the motivations behind their actions. Braving the wilderness requires courage in part because it asks individuals to go against the crowd and, in some cases, to go against their own crowd. Brown uses the metaphor of the wilderness to convey both the risk and the reward that come when individuals step out into the unknown.
In her previous work Daring Greatly, Brown references the following quote by President Theodore Roosevelt:
It’s not the critic who counts […] The credit belongs to the person in the arena. Whose face is marred with dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly […] who at the best knows in the end the high triumph of achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly (Brown, Brené́. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin Books Ltd, 2015).
In this context, Theodore Roosevelt exemplifies an individual who quite literally braves the wilderness. As a young man, Roosevelt spent substantial time in the Dakota territories, and he voluntarily resigned his post as Assistant Secretary of the Navy to lead the Rough Riders during the Spanish American War. To Roosevelt and other likeminded individuals, the wilderness represents both wonder and danger. In the uncharted vastness of the wild, individuals are tested emotionally, physically, and spiritually. To the “person in the arena,” nature is a test of one’s mettle as much as a place that offers contemplative, spiritual refuge.
Brown’s use of “wilderness” as a metaphor conveys all the risks and rewards that come when practicing true belonging. Braving the wilderness requires courage to “sign up, join, and take a seat at the table” and “be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are” (37).
Brown incudes many examples of braving the wilderness to clarify this practice. In Chapter 5, she relates proposing a zero-sum with-us-or-against-us choice to her management team, which the President and COO of the organization called her out on. In Chapter 7, she refers to the experience of her friend Jen Hatmaker, a religious leader who spoke out in support of LGBTQ rights and inclusion in her center-right Christian community. Both stories illustrate the courage required to check a group narrative and offer a divergent perspective in order to act in accordance with one’s values.
True Belonging Versus Fitting In
In this book, the tension between true belonging and fitting in lies at the heart of what it means to belong. True belonging is belonging to oneself, while fitting in is conforming to others. In Chapter 7, Brown lists clear distinctions between the two that a group of middle school students drew in an interview. Brown was “floored” by their responses because the students immediately grasped and “nailed the definitions” that she and her team had distilled after four years of grounded theory research (160).
Though her readers may not be social scientists trained in methodical interviewing techniques and statistical analysis, they recognize the arguments that Brown is presenting in her work. Brown presents strategies for building trust and defines the elements for true belonging practice, but she uses personal stories—both her own experience and those of friends, families, and professional colleagues—to help readers understand what building trust, using dehumanizing language, acting with courage and vulnerability, and retreating to bunkers looks like.
In using these personal stories, she articulates why it is so difficult to turn away from fitting in and towards true belonging. In Chapter 1, Brown shares childhood experiences with wanting to belong, including her most personally painful story of not making the Bearkadettes cheerleading drill team. Similarly, her interview with middle schoolers in Chapter 7 alludes to the pain of “not living up to your parents’ expectations” (160). As much as not making the cheer team was devastating, the “knife to the heart” was feeling that her parents were ashamed her (12).
This first tribe—the family—is our most formative experience of belonging. How important is it to fit in? How important is it to belong? Have we borne witness to true belonging? Do we see the value in attempting it for ourselves? It is a process and a journey, yet it is ultimately a choice that individuals must make on their own. Brown argues, having made it to the other side, that true belonging is worth the price. She adds the stories of Maya Angelou, Jen Hatmaker, Viola Davis, and countless others who agree—the reward is great.
Putting the Practices Together: Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.
While the first three practices Brown discusses are key, the fourth is vital as it combines all the elements of true belonging into unified practice. The first practice recognizes perspectives, the second involves sharing opinions and beliefs, and the third involves sharing deep emotions in communion with strangers. Each of these practices requires individuals to step further into the wild as they listen to and eventually present their own personal stories, opinions, and emotional responses with others.
In outlining the BRAVING strategies and four elements of true belonging, Brown provides a framework of intentional practice. As Brown and her husband discussed in Chapter 1, they both knew the feeling of true belonging, having each experienced it in professional contexts. Brown’s research participants were also familiar with true belonging practice. Even if the terms may be new, the ideas Brown explores (wilderness, fitting in, and true belonging) are recognizable. The fourth practice focuses on explicit awareness and moving from a felt sense of what is right and wrong to specific actions that, when followed, lead to a sense of true belonging.
While the first three practices require courage and vulnerability grounded in safety and trust, the fourth practice asks for some level of commitment to enacting the practices in daily life. True belonging practice is the intention of having honest, respectful interactions with all people at all times.
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