36 pages • 1 hour read
Brené BrownBraving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2017A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Chapter 6Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 6 Summary: “Hold Hands. with Strangers.”
The third element of true belonging is a belief in the “inextricable human connection” that connects individuals to “every other human in the world” (117). This belief in a connective force “rooted in love and compassion” keeps individuals from turning towards hate, dehumanizing language, and emotional manipulation (117). Furthermore, Brown argues that faith in human connection is “one of our most renewable sources of courage in the wilderness” (117).
When individuals are severed from this belief, the courage to brave the wilderness becomes “too daunting,” and people settle for fitting in from their “factions and echo chambers” (118). As Brown notes, people can be challenging without even trying. However, when people make the effort to “show up for collective moments of joy and pain,” they bear witness to human connection and sustain a belief that true belonging is “possible for all of us” (120).
Brown shares several examples of collective experiences of joy and pain ranging from attending music concerts to watching soccer fans in a packed stadium to meeting with neighbors the day after the Sandy Hook school shootings. She notes that solitary, sustained exposure to media coverage is “the quickest way for anxiety and fear to […] plant their roots of secondary trauma” (127). The experience of shared collective pain, however, reminds individuals that the broken heart is “connected to every heart that has known pain since the beginning of time” (134).
Numerous researchers have investigated how shared experiences provide greater meaning and opportunities to feel joy, connection, and peace. Seeking moments of collective joy and pain reinforces a truth of human connection, “even with people we may disagree with” (129). Brown’s own research points to music and funerals as “powerful conveners of collective joy and pain” (131). At the same time, Brown warns against “common enemy intimacy” (135), whereby people bond over gossip and shared judgment of others (135). This is a counterfeit connection that invites self-censorship and an anxious “threat of blowback,” which, in turn, feeds “the spiritual crisis of disconnection” (137). With these examples, Brown shows how intentions and actions are essential to whether an experience of collective assembly heals or traumatizes its participants.
When comparing social media and face-to-face interactions, Brown notes that numerous studies confirm that face-to-face connections help people live “longer, healthier lives” (141). While experiencing communal joy and pain with strangers requires “emotional exposure,” it is also a reminder that “we don’t always have to walk alone” (145).
Chapter 6 Analysis
In Chapter 6, Brown asserts that the key to true belonging is maintaining a belief that the human condition is a renewable resource that cannot be broken. While this is a belief that can be tested and even severed by a polarizing culture and the grind of daily life, when we turn away from each other, we strain “our spiritual commitment to one another” (118). As a consequence, we are less prepared to “bear witness to inextricable human connection” in times of either joy or pain.
The solution is to be present for collective moments of joy and pain—with strangers. Brown provides several examples of true belonging in secular practice and points to one long-standing, traditional means of sharing communal emotion: religious spiritual practice. She references collective effervescence and collective assembly as terms coined by researchers to describe how people access a sense of human belonging and the interconnectedness of all living beings. The sensation of being “a part of something bigger than us” opens individuals to sacredness, which allows collective joy direct entry to the heart and counters and alleviates loneliness in times of pain (130). We can share our joy when we stand together, and we can lighten the load when we carry our grief as one.
The other side of collective assembly is what Brown refers to as common enemy intimacy, which generates a sense of shared connection at the expense of others. Exchanging gossip does not connect us with shared humanity; rather, it is “counterfeit connection and the opposite of true belonging” because tolerance for “judging and mocking others” foregoes inextricable connections (136, 135). There is power in performance, and performance born out of hate feeds a larger connection that amplifies cynicism. While collective assembly “meets the primal human yearning for shared social experiences” (139), it is critical that people remain aware of how that power is generated. An interconnected web of humanity empowers and enlivens authentic emotions; a common enemy feeds and entraps trauma.
To fully experience joy and pain leaves us vulnerable; sharing these experiences with others requires the “ability to navigate uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” (144). As Brown has pointed out again and again, it takes courage to step into the wilderness, and when enacting this practice of holding hands with strangers, we become empowered with the knowledge that we are not alone.
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