36 pages • 1 hour read
Brené BrownBraving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2017A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Chapter 5Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 5 Summary: “Speak Truth to Bullshit. Be Civil.”
The second element of true belonging practice requires 1) recognizing when debates or discussions have become emotionally grounded, zero-sum choices and 2) returning these conversations to a factually grounded, civil discourse. According to Princeton professor Harry Frankfurt, there are three elements to the modern usage of bullshit. While lying is used to defy truth, bullshitting is used to dismiss truth, particularly when speakers discuss topics they don’t fully understand or when individuals doubt or give up on the “notion of objective inquiry” (91). In Brown’s research, participants expressed frustration with maintaining authenticity and integrity in the face of “the ‘you’re either with us or against us’ argument” (92).
Brown notes that arguments framed as an either/or choice are a common appeal used during “times of significant emotional stress” in order to highlight the fact that “neutrality is dangerous” to the topic at hand (92). However, as she points out, the real danger is when these arguments are “not based in facts” and take advantage of “fears of not belonging or being seen as wrong or part of the problem” (93). These arguments effectively “force people to take sides” and shut down alternatives (93), thereby benefitting the person or group proposing the false choice.
In this scenario, braving the wilderness, or opting to “challenge the framing of the debate,” requires the courage to ask questions “outside the bunkers of certainty” (93). To do this effectively, Brown recommends approaching speakers with “generosity, empathy, and curiosity” and assuming best intentions (95). As she explains, practicing civility is an act of personal and political self-expression that, in the face of disagreement and difference, maintains respect for shared commonalities, including shared humanity. In the absence of civility, divisiveness flourishes while opportunities for effective problem solving are lost.
Brown provides two personal stories that illustrate the either/or argument and the personal risk and courage required to speak up and challenge the false dichotomy of “us” versus “them.” Brown then cites the research of Professor Christine Porath, which shows that incivility is “crippling […] for teams and organizations” in part because it erodes both an individual and a collective sense of safety (107). This erosion come in the form of belittling or insulting comments, and it can also come in the form of politically correct language that has been weaponized to “shame or belittle people” (109). Brown redirects attention to the BRAVING checklist and reminds readers that:
[…] when we don’t risk standing on our own and speaking out […] we perpetuate our own disconnection and loneliness. When we are willing to risk venturing into the wilderness, and even becoming our own wilderness, we feel the deepest connection to our true self and to what matters the most (115).
Chapter 5 Analysis
The chapter opens with Harry Frankfurt’s quote that bullshit “defies [truth’s] authority” and is “a greater enemy of the truth than lies are” (90). According to Brown, bullshit arguments focus on defending positions and reducing choices in order to win. In this worldview, “curiosity is seen as weakness and asking questions equates to antagonism” (91). While bullshit can be an expression of deeply held personal beliefs and emotional truths, it refuses to acknowledge that “actual truths […] can be known and shared” (91). Bullshit gives people the excuse to only be true to themselves or their tribe, while absolving any responsibility for learning or attempting to learn what else might be possible. The danger of silos that become echo chambers is that they eventually erode a person’s capacity to empathize because their truth becomes the only truth they can see.
True belonging requires the capacity to “think past either/or situations” and critically analyze ethical positions, choices, and beliefs to know the difference between fitting in and belonging to oneself (93). Bullshit, by definition, ducks and dismisses multi-faceted, complex truths. It fails to recognize that one person’s utopia is another person’s dystopia. Thus, when we submit to a single idea of the truth, we close off avenues to true belonging. On the other hand, when we can argue for a perspective that reflects our emotional truth while recognizing the existence of other perspectives and other objective truths, we are, in fact, recognizing what a true utopia must be: a multi-faceted, diverse chorus of voices which, though they see the same things differently, can all share a relationship to truth and “effective problem solving” (94).
Chimamanda Adichie has also critiqued bullshit arguments in her TED talk “The Danger of the Single Story.” Just as single stories about others allow them to be seen in only one way, a single story of the self allows only one truth to exist. In reality, diverse stories exist about both the self and others. To hold onto one way of being right, one way of belonging, and one way of being a part of the group not only sets up an “us” versus “them” dynamic, it is a cheap way of generating “others” to demonize (93). While the single story brings groups together, it also silences dissent within one’s own group, and this is the “greater enemy of the truth” that Frankfurt is referencing (89). Moreover, remaining silent on issues that go against deeply held beliefs is to die small deaths, as doing so will “deflate confidence, sink trust, and erode helpfulness” at great cost to individual and collective integrity (107).
According to Brown, the antidotes to bullshit are generosity and civility. When we assume others mean no harm, we allow people to be whole—capable of mistakes, capable of learning from mistakes, and capable of grace. To be met with generosity and curiosity lets us know we can recover from being wrong, and we can extend that compassion to others. Fitting in and true belonging are both self-reinforcing cultures. As incivility begets incivility, civility begets civility. When communities and groups agree to treat each other with kindness, the resulting safety net bestows freedom to disagree. We can acknowledge emotional arguments and recognize when other perspectives and objective truths have a say in the matter. There are many ways to speak truth to bullshit—to do so with civility ensures against unintentional harm and connects us more completely with our own best intentions and to “what matters the most” (115).
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