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54 pages 1 hour read

S. J. Watson

Before I Go to Sleep

Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2011

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Part 2, Chapters 7-9Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Part 2: “The Journal of Christine Lucas”

Part 2, Chapter 7 Summary: “Thursday, November 15”

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of sexual assault.

Christine wakes up with no memory of Adam until she receives a call from Dr. Nash and reads her journal. She tears down the photographs from the bathroom wall in anger and frustration. Taking the emergency money Ben keeps behind the clock, she runs out of the house and is almost hit by a car. In the park, Christine buys a drink from a café, and a small boy catches her attention. He is alone and asks Christine to push him on the roundabout. The boy says his name is Alfie and implies that his mother does not love him. Christine fantasizes about taking Alfie home and caring for him. Alfie’s mother arrives and takes her son away. Christine considers telling Ben about her journal and her appointments with Dr. Nash.

When Christine gets home, it is dark. Ben looks like he has been crying and reacts joyfully to her return. When Christine begins to apologize, he stops her and does not ask where she has been. Ben says it is his birthday and insists they go out to celebrate. Puzzled by Ben’s reaction, Christine goes upstairs to get ready. She wonders if her husband did not notice she had torn the photographs down. When Christine goes to the bathroom, the pictures are back in their original positions. She quickly records events in her journal.

Part 2, Chapter 8 Summary: “Friday, November 16”

Christine does not know if she and Ben went out the previous evening as she wrote nothing more in her journal. She wakes up early and realizes she is naked. Her husband is unfamiliar, but she recalls the names Ben and Adam and the words “Memory. Accident. Death” (151). The details of a nightmare come back to Christine. She recalls that Ben was on top of her, and she felt it was too late to say no to sex. When she closed her eyes, she saw the face of a man with a scarred cheek. After reading her journal, Christine wonders if she is remembering the events of the night before.

Later that day, Christine has an appointment with Dr. Nash. When she tells him how Ben concealed Adam’s existence, Dr. Nash reveals that they have talked about Adam in previous sessions. He confirms that Christine’s son died in Afghanistan, dashing her hopes that Ben was lying to her. Dr. Nash asks Christine why she thinks Ben keeps the photographs of Adam hidden. Christine acknowledges that Ben is probably trying to spare her pain and feels guilty.

Dr. Nash reads Christine’s journal entries and assures her she is making progress. Christine resolves to tell Ben about her journal that night. Meanwhile, Ben leaves a message on her phone suggesting they go out for dinner.

Back at home, Christine chooses seductive underwear. As she does so, she remembers putting on stockings in a hotel room. There are flowers and champagne in the room, and Christine remembers her excitement as someone knocked on the door.

That evening Christine and Ben go to a restaurant. Ben tells Christine he loves her but knows she cannot return his feelings. He assures her they were both in love and happy before the accident. Christine says she wants to recover her memories, but Ben tells her that this is extremely unlikely. Annoyed by her husband’s insistence that she will not get better, Christine decides not to tell him about the journal or Dr. Nash.

Back at home, Ben gets into bed and kisses Christine. Christine does not want to have sex, but she complies. Suddenly she remembers opening the hotel room door. The man who is standing there is not her husband, but she cannot see his face. Overcome by fear, Christine remembers being throttled by the man. She has water in her lungs and thinks she is going to die. In the memory, Christine loses consciousness as she tells herself not to fall asleep. The memory ends just as Ben climaxes.

Part 2, Chapter 9 Summary: “Saturday, November 17”

After her memory of being attacked, Christine is convinced Ben is lying about the cause of her amnesia. While he is still asleep, she gets up and looks for the metal box where Ben keeps the photographs of Adam. She finds it in a drawer in Ben’s office, hidden beneath a towel. Christine searches for the key and then hears Ben calling. Quickly, she puts the box back and pretends to collapse as Ben enters the room. Faking confusion, she urges Ben to help her.

Part 2, Chapters 6-8 Analysis

In Chapter 7, the protagonist asserts more independence as she escapes her home alone. Ben’s strange behavior when Christine returns reveals his awareness of this subtle power shift. A further sign of Christine’s growing agency is her refusal to accept Ben’s insistence that her memory will not improve. Suspecting that Ben does not want her to get better, she decides against telling him about the journal and Dr. Nash, reflecting, “I wanted to keep my secrets for a little longer. I felt they were the only thing I had that I could say were mine” (169).

Christine’s recollection of keywords associated with her life (Chapter 8) indicates that reading and re-reading her journal is starting to improve her memory. Significantly, her first memory of being strangled in the hotel room is triggered while Christine endures unwanted sex with Ben. However, Christine’s conviction that the faceless attacker is not her husband means she does not suspect him. A further red herring is created when Dr. Nash confirms that Adam is dead, dashing Christine’s hopes that Ben might be lying. It later emerges that Dr. Nash is only repeating information Christine told him in a previous session.

At this point in the narrative, the facts Christine uncovers about her past become increasingly distressing: first, the death of Adam and then the real cause of her amnesia. While Christine is tempted to give up her quest to reform her identity, she continues to persevere, determined not to revert to her former state of ignorance and dependence.

In Chapter 9, the narrative builds in tension as Ben almost catches Christine searching for the key to the locked box. Christine’s desire to open the box represents her determination to access her memories. Meanwhile, Ben is equally determined to continue controlling her through what he chooses to show her. When Christine escapes detection by faking distressed confusion, we see her becoming a match for Ben. Just as he exploits her condition, Christine uses her amnesia to deceive him.

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