Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama

As Bechdel writes Fun Home, Carol suggests that she is performing an act of Transference: Her real reason for writing the book is to help her mother. In this sense, Bechdel’s purpose for writing Are You My Mother? is to understand herself through self-analysis and therapy. Specifically, her anger.

The non-linear narrative of Are You My Mother? is meant to showcase Alison’s self-growth and acceptance as she enters therapy and begins to understand the relationship with her mother. If told chronologically, it’s clear that Alison is angry. She grows up in a difficult family, takes her frustration out on her teddy bear, loses her father to suicide, relies on her disapproving mother as a young adult, and kicks a hole in the wall during an act of intimacy. As an adult, Alison resents Helen’s secrecy, disapproval of her professional endeavors, and difficult communication habits.

As an example of Alice Miller’s Gifted Child, Alison suppresses her anger to serve as an emotional conduit for her family members. This translates her anger into other negative emotions: self-loathing, anxiety, professional envy, and depression. Carol considers her presenting symptom to be “undoing,” where she constantly self-corrects herself (19).

Therapy is not a linear regimen. The therapist and patient discuss the patient’s history, move onto other issues as they arise, and connect these to the past. Bechdel enlists both Jocelyn and Carol as well as a list of psychoanalysts to try and uncover the root of her problems. At one point, Bechdel wonders if she could become her own therapist, but everyone has blinders that keep them from acknowledging problems. For Alison, this includes her anger at her parents as well as distractive tools like her diaries. Jocelyn is a nurturing figure who gives Alison the affection she rarely received as a child, while Carol’s psychoanalysis training allows her to tackle the root causes.

The psychoanalysts allow Bechdel to explore different perspectives of her relationship with her mother. Freud provides insight into dream interpretation, Miller explains the child archetype that she falls under, and Winnicott gives a general understanding of how mother-child relationships should work. Bechdel is also willing to question their conclusions. For instance, Freud’s views on homosexual men and narcissistic love reflect an era that viewed homosexuality as a mental disease and treated women as inferior to men. Even though he was a progressive figure for his time, Winnicott still interpreted information through the scope of the society he lived in.

Alison struggles with the notion that she is angry, and emotional wounds rarely fully heal, but has an awakening after the incident where she hangs up on her mother. She develops an understanding of how her mind works, recognizes that failing to receive love from others isn’t her fault, and demonstrates emotional progress by weeping at movies. Bechdel ends her book with an affirming message about the power of creativity to express repressed emotions.

Bechdel’s view of her sexuality changes over the course of her life. At first, she blames her lesbianism for her self-consciousness, noting that she wouldn’t speak in class as a child. She doesn’t fully condemn her Roman Catholic upbringing—she appreciates its structured rules and discusses Christian and Jewish concepts throughout the text)—but remembers feeling melancholy while at church and mentions her discomfort in the Christmas pageant photo, which triggers anxiety attacks as an adult. Now, Bechdel sees “the unconventionality of my desires” as forcing a reunion of her mind and body after she becomes dependent on her mind in the place of her mother (156). It does create some conflict, however: While her affection for Jocelyn is primarily maternal, it creates a form of mental cheating that affects her relationship with Eloise.

Although Helen supports Alison financially for months, she disapproves of the prominent role that her sexual identity plays in her creative endeavors. She worries that Alison’s work will envelop the family in scandal and asks her daughter to write under a penname or create a fictional work to avoid any associations. Bechdel sees this tension as a byproduct her marriage with her closeted husband, Bruce. Helen also reveals suffering a bout of depression after learning about the sexuality of a costume designer friend. This tension eventually dies down: When she and Amy visit Helen during one of her plays, Helen is overjoyed and swaps stories with them.

Helen’s stance also reflects the homophobic attitudes of the United States during the 1980s. Bechdel defies this through her cartooning, commenting that her unabashed sexuality is the only thing keeping her from “being compliant to the core” (188). On the other hand, the publication of her two graphic memoirs occur during a period of successive victories in the gay rights movement as more states begin to legalize gay marriage. Even with gay voices become more accepted, Bechdel still faces financial challenges as her outlets merge and shutter. She also resents LGBTQ conservatives like Norah Vincent and mainstream-friendly “post gay” creatives, saying, “People don’t need cartoons about lesbians anymore! You can watch them on TV” (70-1)!

Bechdel also illustrates the difficulties of her romantic relationships. She focuses primarily on the passionate-but-tumultuous relationship with Eloise, depicting a toxic cycle of cheating, making up, and self-loathing through a montage of panels in Chapter 6. Alison’s childhood problems and internal anger keep her from understanding the meaning of “I love you” and prevent her from fully committing to a partner. Her financial issues and controlling habits also harm her relationship with Amy.