A High Five for Glenn Burke

Silas, Theo, Kareem, Ben-Ben, Luis, and Malik are all getting ready for practice. Coach Rockford tells them they will start stretches soon, and Silas asks why they are starting without Coach Noles. The other boys tell Silas that Coach Noles and his son, Brayden, have left the team because of “what happened at the trampoline park” (121). Theo wonders who complained to Webb about what he and Kareem said. He points out that Silas could have been the one who said something, and Silas protests that it was not him. He goes on to claim that he has a girlfriend, Zoey. He says they do more than sing karaoke when they hang out, implying that he and Zoey have kissed, and perhaps have done more. The other boys are impressed.

At Zoey’s house, Zoey is nervous about her upcoming robotics tournament. Silas assures her that she will do great, but he is having a hard time looking Zoey in the eye. He tells her that Webb has banned the team from using the word “gay” as an insult. Grace comes into the room and Silas panics silently, worrying that she overheard them talking. He has the same worry when Zoey’s mom arrives a few minutes later. After Dolores and Grace leave, Silas tells Zoey about Coach Noles and Brayden leaving the team. Zoey replies that she is sorry, which feels like “a punch to [Silas’s] gut” (130).

Silas sits outside his apartment building. He felt off at baseball practice. All he can think about is Burke and how he must have felt, facing all the anti-gay hatred in his life. He wonders if Burke went through what he is going through now: being unable to look his teammates in the eye and feeling like he is lying all the time. He reasons that Burke must have had to lie when asked about having a girlfriend.

Silas, Zoey, Haley, and Erica are on their way to see Grace’s production of Bye Bye Birdie. They have just had ice cream, and Erica is pleased to have a night off. Silas thinks that Zoey must also need a fun night, because she has not said anything to him about her upcoming robotics tournament all evening and must be stressed, since the tournament is tomorrow.

Silas bumps into Webb in the lobby of the theater. Webb introduces Silas to his wife, Nina. Zoey introduces herself to Webb, and Silas flinches because “Zoey knows that Webb knows, and Webb knows that Zoey knows, and they both know that [his mom] doesn’t know” (137). He worries that Webb might have told Nina about him. Webb gives Silas a high five, and then he and Nina leave to get their tickets. Zoey pulls Silas aside, out of earshot of his family. She looks angry and tells Silas that they are no longer friends. She knows that he told his team that she is his girlfriend. She tells Silas that she hates him.

The next day, Silas and the Renegades have three baseball games. Silas did not sleep after what happened between him and Zoey. He is first up to bat for their first game, but he feels like he is moving in slow motion. He strikes out.

The Renegades cannot pull it together. They lose their first game and are not doing well in their second. Webb calls a time-out for a pep talk. Ben-Ben points out that Silas has not hit the ball at all, which is very unlike him. Silas retorts that he is “not the one dropping pop-ups” (144), to which Ben-Ben makes a comment about making up imaginary girlfriends. Webb breaks up their argument, and Silas realizes that Ben-Ben and Zoey must be in the same robotics club, and that must be how Zoey knows about what he said about her.

They lose the second game. Silas cannot think about anything except how he missed the fact that Ben-Ben and Zoey know each other. He wishes he had never said anything. Silas tries to rally himself and the rest of the team. Ben-Ben confronts him, saying that the whole team knows that he is a liar.

Semaj wakes Silas up the next morning. She has gotten ahold of Silas’s baseball bat and is swinging it around. He yells at her and rips the bat out of her hand as Erica bursts into the room. She scolds Silas for making his sister cry, and Silas yells that she should not have woken him up. He is still very upset about what happened with Zoey and with his teammates. He is paralyzed by worry that people will find out that he is gay.

Erica tells Silas that she needs him to help out around the house and be more sensitive about his sister. Silas is tired of being sensitive. His dad comes into the room and asks what is happening. He asks Silas if he is upset about the baseball games, and uses the nickname that Silas hates, “Swade.” Silas says that he is not upset about baseball and tells him to stop calling him “Swade.” He calls his dad clueless for not realizing that he hates the nickname. He tells his parents that he does not want to play baseball anymore. Both his parents are surprised, but they agree to let him skip practice on Tuesday so that he can have a self-care day.

Silas calls Webb to tell him that he cannot make it to practice on Tuesday. Webb asks if everything is okay and says that he hopes to see Silas at the next practice, on Thursday.

In Ms. Washington’s class, Silas waits for Zoey. He wants to talk to her but has not had a chance to see her all day. When she arrives, he asks her how her robotics tournament went. She does not answer, and when Silas presses her, she tells him she was serious the other night and that she does not want him in her life anymore.

Silas is home alone instead of attending baseball practice. He is reading about Glenn Burke’s life after he left Major League Baseball. Burke played for the San Francisco Gay Softball League and took part in the Gay Olympics because he was not able to participate in mainstream sports. He started drinking heavily and using drugs before breaking his leg in a car crash, becoming homeless, and going to jail. He died of complications from AIDS at the age of 42, which is the same age as Silas’s dad.

Silas struggles to come to terms with the challenges Burke faced in his later life. He researches documentaries about AIDS, including How to Survive a Plague, but he is not sure he is ready for it. He watches a coming out video made by a boy who worries that his friends might have told everyone at school about him.

Silas spends Wednesday afternoon working at his mother’s coffee shop, Jump & Grind, instead of hanging out with Zoey. He helps his mother’s employee, Kaila, who has stitches in her hand after a recent injury. Kaila is very enthusiastic about her job, and she has a lot of respect for the business that Erica has created. She tells Silas that “Erica wants everyone to feel welcome here and really means it” (162). Erica even invites customers to use the space for parties sometimes, which Kaila deeply respects. Kaila appreciates that Erica is authentic, and she says that she strives to be authentic as well. Silas remembers Webb encouraging him to be authentic when they had their conversation.