A Good Kind of Trouble

Though the United Nations sits together at lunch, Shayla catches Julia looking at the table of Asian American girls with whom they previously sat. While they discuss Jace smiling at Shayla, Shayla sees Jace antagonizing another boy, Alex, into singing on top of a cafeteria table as part of the Command game. She hopes Principal Trask will stop it, but instead, Alex turns the tables on them and raps to the delight of their classmates. By the time the principal arrives, it is Alex, not the bullies, who is in trouble. Shayla admonishes Julia and Isabella for playing Command. Isabella tries to pressure Shayla into playing, while Julia insists they “don’t have to do everything together” (70). They begin talking about who will get a boyfriend first, Julia insisting it will be Isabella. Isabella declares she’s in love with her new kitten, whom her mom allowed because of her dad’s new girlfriend. This pattern of gifts began when Isabella’s parents first divorced.

On the first day of track practice, Shayla remembers how her father encouraged her to participate in multiple team sports, but she was always terrified of having a ball hit her in the face. She walks into the locker room with dread, agonizing about her unattractive PE clothes and the upcoming practice. After changing, she is unsure if she should stand with the Black girls, but Bernard calls her over for an awkward exchange in which she learns he plays shotput. Carmetta leads the new track team members through stretches and a mile warm up run. Then, Coach West paces them through a variety of track sports while Angie Watkins, a Black eighth grader whom Shayla observes as pretty, takes notes. Bernard compliments Shayla at the end of practice, to her surprise. They discuss how the hurdles require a sense of rhythm, and Bernard begins to dance. Angie joins in and playfully pushes Bernard, who pushes Shayla. She doesn’t like it. She later reflects in her eyeball journal about Bernard, Angie, and dancing.

When Shayla gets home from track practice, she journals about Isabella’s new beauty and Bernard at track. She also writes about how she feels guilty for not defending Alex when Jace was bullying him; she didn’t want Jace to be upset with her. If Jace were her boyfriend, she dreamily tells herself, she would help him be nicer to people.

At dinner, Shayla asks Momma about the broken bone metaphor, wanting to know if Momma was implying Black people are broken. Momma explains that she only meant Black people need extra attention, just like a broken bone does. Hana, who is very sensitive to the topic of this injustice, gets overwhelmed and says she’s leaving for Regina’s house. Momma tries to stop her, saying it’s a school night—but when Hana says she and Regina will be making Black Lives Matter posters, Momma lets her go.

Shayla wonders to herself if Ms. Jacobs is right about whether Emerson would support Black Lives Matter.

Shayla realizes that she doesn’t have a meaningful hobby like Julia’s basketball, Isabella’s art, and Hana’s Black Lives Matter. She decides again that Jace becoming her boyfriend would be a huge advantage. Hana returns home, and Shayla asks her how to get Jace’s attention, showing Hana a picture of Jace to distract her when Hana asks if he’s nice (he isn’t). Hana’s surprised to find out that Jace is Black, and in response, she offers Shayla a Black Lives Matter armband. Shayla declines, worrying that it could make people angry with her, which frustrates Hana. Hana tells her she needs to “do something” and kicks Shayla out of her room. Shayla wonders how Hana doesn’t “worry people will think she’s trying to start some trouble” (88).

Following Hana’s advice to do something, Shayla attempts to wear makeup to school, but Momma stops her. On the ride to school, the radio talks about the trial, and Shayla asks why a trial is needed when there’s video showing the shooting. Momma explains how trials work—that “both sides get to make a case” (90). Shayla can’t understand how anyone could believe the police officer wasn’t in the wrong since the Black man was walking away. Momma asks her to be quiet.

In history class, Mr. Powell briefly discusses the trial, answering Alex’s question about why people are upset by others’ differences; he explains that prejudice is sometimes fear-based. Shayla protests that fear isn’t a justification for prejudice, to which Mr. Powell agrees and adds that there will be angry people regardless of how the trial ends. This prediction confuses Shayla, who sees right and wrong as universally agreed upon concepts. Feeling fearful, she asks what will happen if change doesn’t occur, and Mr. Powell answers that “sometimes we have to fight for it” (94).

Between classes, Julia blows Shayla and Isabella off for her new group of friends. Shayla is put off by Julia’s preference for her new friends—but it also bothers her when Julia’s friend Stacy calls her “‘Sister’ […] the code for We are Black girls” (95), since Stacy is Chinese. Isabella and Shayla leave to eat at their usual spot behind the portables, and Shayla worries that the United Nations is splitting up.

Shayla wants to talk about her mom forbidding makeup (thwarting her attempt to get Jace’s attention) and her frustration with Julia for not hanging out with them, but she doesn’t feel right discussing it without Julia there. When Isabella pushes Shayla for what’s wrong, she tells her what Julia already knows: She wants Jace as a boyfriend. Isabella encourages her to speak up, quoting her mother. Shayla notices Isabella seems sad when quoting her mom and remembers her mom started the divorce. They talk about Isabella’s family’s strict rules about dating and how Isabella doesn’t yet want to date, anyway. When Shayla bemoans that Jace doesn’t think she’s cute, Isabella objects, causing Shayla to inwardly compare her appearance to Isabella’s. She decides to persuade Isabella into sharing her favorite top in the hopes that Jace will think she’s pretty like Isabella. Isabella reluctantly agrees.

As she walks to class, Tyler from shop class invites her to sit with him at lunch sometime. Shayla blows him off. She realizes she’s not being nice towards Tyler or Isabella, “[b]ut Hana tells [her] nice doesn’t get you anywhere in the world” (103). In her eyeball journal, Shayla stresses about her friendships with Isabella and Julia and wishes Tyler would leave her alone.

Momma hosts a book club after school with her best friends, who are all Black. They grill Shayla about her grades and whether she has any Black teachers, and Shayla is proud that she can finally answer yes: Her track coach, Coast West, is Black. Though one of the women makes a sharp comment about her being the PE teacher, Momma shuts her down, and another friend exclaims about Shayla joining the track team. Shayla goes to her room to try on Isabella’s top, writing in her eyeball journal her hopes that the top will make the difference needed for Jace to notice her.

Jace smiles at Shayla and compliments her on Isabella’s top the next day in class. He asks if Isabella has one like it, which she denies. She wonders why he would ask about Isabella but decides to focus on his compliment. Julia expresses her surprise and disapproval that Shayla borrowed Isabella’s top, since they both know that Isabella struggles to say “no” and set boundaries. When Isabella exclaims about Jace’s compliment, Shayla takes it as an insult, telling her not to make it “sound like that’s so hard to believe” (111). When Isabella is gone, Julia admonishes Shayla about the top, telling her to “be nice.” In her eyeball journal, Shayla wonders if Isabella purposefully used the top to get Jace to think of her instead of Shayla.

At track practice, Coach West informs Shayla she’ll be doing the 400 and hurdles, to Shayla’s surprise. Coach pulls Angie away from the relay team to help Shayla practice, embarrassing Shayla. Angie helps Shayla determine her lead leg and explains she should always jump with that leg first. Bernard pretends to throw a shot (hard, heavy ball) at Shayla, which gets him in trouble with Coach. Shayla tells him to put it away, eliciting his rebellious response. When Coach again yells his name, Shayla wants to warn Coach that he could be violent, but Bernard walks away. She waits for her mom to pick her up and tries to convince herself to stand with Angie and Carmetta, but by the time she gets her feet to move, they are running to the car.

Shayla is helping with dinner when she asks Momma if there’s “something wrong” with her because she doesn’t have any Black friends (118). She’s worried that Julia prefers her new Asian American friends over the United Nations. Momma explains that sometimes being with people who are like you can be comforting, since they can more directly empathize with your experiences. She adds that this doesn’t take away from a person’s friendships with others of a different race. Momma shares that she made a white friend at her graduate school, which Hana harmlessly teases her about.

A few weeks pass, and Shayla is relieved to find the United Nations operating as usual aside from Julia occasionally spending the break between classes with her Asian American friends. Isabella asks what coordinating Halloween costume they’ll wear this year, and Julia says they’re too old. Shayla later asks Hana if dressing up is cool, and Hana tells her she should do what makes her happy, a priority Shayla doesn’t quite understand. When Shayla sees Hana’s costume, she jumps onboard since the outfit could include a beret to cover her hated forehead. They dress as Black Panthers, a group of Black activists from the 1960s. Hana is horrified when she finds Shayla putting on makeup as part of her costume, frustrated that Shayla can’t focus on the message of racial justice without getting sidetracked by superficiality. Momma expresses her sadness that protests are still needed.

A normally-clothed Jace doesn’t notice Shayla in her costume, and she feels insecure even with plenty of other classmates in costume. In science class, they are doing a project involving balloons. Bernard accidentally hits a kid with his balloon, so Mr. Levy sends him to the office. Shayla wonders if Mr. Levy doesn’t like Bernard, since the balloon was harmless. At break, she meets up with Isabella, whose bright, beautiful appearance—dressed as Mia Roman Hernandez, a Puerto Rican artist—makes Shayla resentful. They meet in front of the school for lunch and examine the bust of Ralph Waldo Emerson in the middle of the lawn. Coach West walks up and comments on the statue’s engraving: “OUR GREATEST GLORY IS NOT IN NEVER FAILING, BUT IN RISING UP EVERY TIME WE FAIL” (130). She says it’s not known if the quote is truly Emerson’s but that it seemed likely because “[h]e believed an easy life doesn’t teach much” (131). She guesses each of their costumes correctly and encourages them both to enter the student council costume contest.

Isabella and Shayla look across the lawn to see Julia dressed as Batgirl among her Asian American friends, who are also dressed as various superheroes. Shayla is outraged, but Isabella defends Julia, speculating excuses for her changed stance on costumes. They go to sit on the lawn, but Bernard tries to sit next to them, so they get in line for the costume contest. Isabella is surprised that Shayla wants to enter, so Shayla explains that she feels Bernard is “after [her].” Isabella says that he seems harmless, causing Shayla to reflect over Bernard’s actual behaviors. She’s still afraid of him. Isabella crosses the bench runway with ease, but Shayla wobbles when she steps up. She turns it into a 1960s dance move and dances across the benches to the cheers of onlookers. In her eyeball journal, she reflects that it’s hard to think of Bernard as anything but a bully even though Isabella may be right, but she still doesn’t want to make him mad.

In the hallway, Shayla runs into Principal Trask, who asks Shayla to remove her costume because it is “glorifying such a violent time in history” (139). In shock, Shayla complies. Later in shop class, Tyler says he supported the costume, but Shayla dismisses him. Yolanda calls her out for being rude, and Shayla says she didn’t think Tyler noticed. Yolanda emphasizes that everyone has feelings.

Shayla deflects Momma’s question about where her costume is when she gets in the car. At home, she passes out candy to trick-or-treaters and texts Isabella about the scary movie Isabella is watching, knowing she wouldn’t be allowed to go to the Six Flags annual Halloween event, Fright by Night, as Isabella originally suggests. At bedtime, Isabella tells her to check out Stacy’s social media posts. Shayla finds picture after picture of Julia with her friends, smiling with genuine happiness. She sees a video of Julia with them at Fright by Night yelling “Squad Goals!” (145), which brings her to tears. Then, her mom barges in to confiscate her phone, as it is after-hours. Shayla feels like giving up on life.