101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think

In this essay, Wiest lists 10 things emotionally healthy people do: They listen to their pain, they observe their thoughts and emotions, they reflect, they interrogate their first impressions, they are flexible, and they can find value in any experience. 

This essay, rather than offering a way to measure a life, argues that “measuring a good life” is not the way to have a good life. Wiest reflects on the Western culture of wanting “more” at any cost and asks the reader to “measure” a good life in far more abstract ways: not whether one has reached a goal, but whether one has changed and grown, chosen and failed, and laughed on the way to the goal. A good life is constituted by whether one is liberated enough to close one door before the next one opens.

In this essay, Wiest notes that one’s feelings will not always be justifiable or understandable; they just are. She argues that one should recognize and follow the things that just are.

This essay describes experiences or descriptions that are not yet named in the English language. These include positive or peaceful feelings, like the feeling of peace before falling asleep, as well as painful feelings like knowing that a love will end.

This essay is an ironic how-to list that describes the things the reader shouldn’t do.

Written only using questions, this essay asks the reader to deeply consider what life would consist of without bodies, arriving at the idea that everyone would look the same because they are.

This essay offers reasons for not having love, which include expecting someone else to fix you, being unable to love yourself or see yourself in your relationships, and forgetting the importance of kindness.

Wiest argues that people tend to focus on changing the world or changing certain things about themselves, but they need to focus on changing themselves at their core. Whatever they want, they must first give.

This title refers to the idea that people allow the dominant narrative to determine their success in life. Wiest urges her reader to think critically about things that seem like givens—education, notions of success, money, jobs, and houses. Modern society wants its subjects to remain wanting more, so in order to be satisfied, they must break out of that cycle of desire.

Speaking to one of the major themes of the book, Wiest states that the love a person dwells on is the love they need to give to themself. It is not the person they miss, but the love that they thought that person gave them.

Wiest begins by admitting and encouraging the reader to admit that they cause problems for themself on purpose. She does not say this is wrong, but she explains that people create problems for themselves because modernization has created a world in which we no longer need to work toward anything meaningful, so we create obstacles.

This essay lists all the things a body is able to do that a soul cannot: touch, see, experience the ups and downs of life, learn new information, and eat and drink. The point is not to transcend the limitations of the body, but to experience them.

This essay pushes back on the idea of endless productivity. It lists all the reasons to do nothing, some biological, some psychological, and some grounded in the idea of actually getting more done in the long run.

Wiest breaks down the four attachment styles—secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized—and explains how a person with each style might be struggling and what steps to take next.

After establishing that feeling your emotions is important for health and happiness, Wiest presents that the way out of emotions is not to dismiss them but to face them and others. She lists signs that a person may be suppressing their emotions.

This essay quotes 49 people, including the author herself, giving their most liberating thoughts, most of which express concepts found throughout the book.

Wiest argues that a person’s twenties are not only years to learn but also years to unlearn. With a clean slate, it is much easier to start anew.

This essay challenges common assumptions like “Adulthood is hard” or “You are responsible for your intentions, not your impact” or “People are constantly thinking about you.” Letting go of these assumptions lets one move forward.

Wiest recounts ideas she has explored previously—one must spend time alone and doing nothing, one must feel all emotions, one must put trust in life, and one must release all blame from other people for one’s own pain. She urges that to live a life they are proud of, one must become the kind of person who deserves it.